SEARCH: Summer Schmummer

Summer Schmummer

by Tim Reynolds

This picture was before meeting the “freaking freshwater” barracudas.

I was a suburban brat who was allergic to trees, grass, ragweed, mold, and mildew. In other words, I was allergic to the world, which was a bit of a bummer since when I wasn’t hiding from my sisters in the basement with a book, I was outside raising hell and getting into mischief.

Summers as a kid were the best. We lived a ten-minute walk from a ravine with a fast-flowing creek for environmentally unfriendly styrofoam boat races, life-risking Tarzan swings over the water, a little hippy commune down the hill from the IBM country club, and an improvised plywood fort the big kids tried to light…

You can read the rest of Tim Reynold’s Summer Schmummer and his featured story, The Dad Days of Summer. in SEARCH Magazine‘s Summer 2022 #SeaSaltSand issue.

SEARCH: Giving Myself the Business

Giving Myself the Business

by Tim Reynolds

The Amazing Raap

This year marks the 50th anniversary of when I began failing as an entrepreneur, going back to my first days as the neighborhood butcher of grass. For five dollars here and five dollars there, I pushed our four-horse, two-stroke (or was that two-horse, four-stroke?) grass-shredding beast from lawn to lawn. As easy as the job was, I failed to make my fortune at it for two reasons. First, I really hated cutting lawns and second, I’m allergic to grass. Of course, fifty years later I’m still allergic and still have a lawn I have to cut, only now I don’t have an overseer watching and judging me from a second-floor window.

Eventually, I failed enough at that job that I decided to become the world’s greatest magician. Or at least the greatest one in our household. I had a few tricks I was pretty good at and some I was mediocre at, but my entrepreneurial success was stunted by my complete lack of interest in practicing my art beyond knowing how the trick worked. Despite this crappy attitude and my weak business acumen, I…

Read more about Tim Reynold’s Giving Myself the Business in SEARCH Magazine‘s Spring 2022 #Entrepreneurs issue.

SEARCH: The Well of Zen-ness

The Well of Zen-ness
by Tim Reynolds

DownwardSedonaDog

I’m a big supporter of health and wellness. Really! I have a regular exercise regimen that includes stretching the truth, jumping to conclusions, and running off at the mouth. When I’m feeling extra energetic I even try to jog my memory.

I like my yoga plain, with fresh fruit mixed in, and my “downward dog” is textbook perfect—if you define “downward dog” as napping with my pup, Sedona. I have a coat rack in my living room that looks just like a stationary bike, a tarp hanger in my basement that strongly resembles an $1100 elliptical machine…

Continue reading in our Winter 2021 #Wellness issue.

SEARCH: Top Reasons NOT to Do It

Top Reasons NOT to Do It
by Tim Reynolds

The world is full of self-helpless gurus much more ego-boosting than I, all lined up to feed you a “Reasons to DO Something” list, but I’m here to give you 40 valid reasons NOT to do something. In no particular order.

  1. It’s going to hurt…a lot. You’re not a trained dancer and that table isn’t very sturdy.
  2. There are laws in place to specifically discourage doing it.
  3. Your mother wouldn’t approve.
  4. Your insurance has lapsed.
  5. The last time you tried to do it, you lost your pants and your pride.
  6. There are still active warrants from the last time you did it.
  7. Sister Mary Elephant warned that you’d go to Hell if you did it.
  8. You haven’t asked, “WWJD?”
  9. You’re not as young as you once were.
  10. When they did it on American Gladiator it looked like fun but two contestants were hospitalized.
  11. Your. . .

Read more in our Fall 2021 You Can Do It! issue.

SEARCH: Caped Capers

Caped Capers

by Tim Reynolds

Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…my buddy Bruce in a cape jumping off his roof and breaking his arm! Oops.

Even after Bruce broke his arm, I wanted to be Superman. Or even Clark Kent, star reporter. I ended up being Jimmy Olsen, photographer. We all grew up wanting to be superheroes. I wanted to be Green Arrow and had the archery set and practiced in the front yard… until I shot an arrow in the air and it came down and hit the neighbor’s car two houses away. I wanted to be Aquaman and swim the oceans with the whales and sharks using my perfect dolphin kick…except I sank like a stone and couldn’t grow gills no matter how many fish sticks I ate. I dreamed of being The Flash…but couldn’t outrun my own bullies so I sure wasn’t saving anyone else.

My buddy Patrick and I wanted to be Spider-Men, but after climbing a very tall pinnacle of rock in the park, we couldn’t get down. No sticky webs, no Spidey-jumps, just a rope…and Mr. McGregor talking us down one hand-hold at a time…

Read more in our Summer 2021 issue on Superheroes.

SEARCH: My Chancy Behavior

My Chancy Behavior by Tim Reynolds

I’m a big one for taking chances, but occasionally I take risks. What’s the difference? Well, taking a chance is acting with the possibility of something happening, while taking a risk is to expose yourself to the possibility of injury or loss. Let me use my own life to give you some clarity.

I once took a chance and auditioned for a stage production of West Side Story–I was Nibbles the Shark–which was definitely not the same as taking the risk of joining an actual Puerto Rican street gang. Taking a chance would have been eating a raw egg as a stunt in high school, but I had to risk illness by eating thirty raw eggs to raise money for the United Way.

Taking a chance that I could dance for nine hours to raise money for the United Way would have been okay, but I had to…

Read more in SEARCH Magazine‘s Enhancing Your Horizon issue.

SEARCH: Holiday Discomfort Foods

Holiday Discomfort Foods by Tim Reynolds.

Gather ye ’round and hear the tale of the Holiday Discomfort Foods. You ask what, pray tell, are discomfort foods? Well, they look much like the traditional holiday foods of a family with British and Scottish decent, but rather than comforting a soul over the holidays, they cause discomfort.

Let’s start with the very Canadian butter tarts. They’re wonderfully sweet, gooey, and chewy, but I like mine with…raisins. Yes, raisins, but there are people who are so discomfited by the mere idea of raisins in butter tarts that they get flustered and an-gry and refuse to be in the same room with me, which is fine because that leaves more tarts for me…

To read more, click on the Winter Issue here.